Do we need incredible talent or luck to succeed? Not
really according to writer Jeff Haden who said that for any of us, in almost any
field, success is but a decision that we have to make.
Sounds too general or vague even? But let’s see more of what he has to say
about it:
“True story: I’m eating dinner with two old friends. One says,
“I hate being fat. I’ve tried everything but can’t lose weight. What do you
think?”
“I don’t think you want to lose weight,” I said. (I know, kind of blunt. Normally I would deflect and evade, but I know he wants to hear what I really think.)
He raises an eyebrow. “Really.”
“Really,” I say. “If you wanted to lose weight you would. But you’ve chosen not to, and that’s okay. The only problem is you’re beating yourself up for something you choose not to do.”
Why do I think that way? We all know how to lose weight: Eat less calories than you burn and voila! You lose weight. Sure, genetics and metabolism and glandular disorders can make losing weight harder, but the fact remains that everyone who eats fewer calories than they burn loses weight. Losing weight has nothing to do with a breakthrough diet or an innovative workout regimen or somehow flipping a magic fat-burning switch… and everything to do with deciding to eat less calories than you burn.
Losing weight is a choice. So being overweight is a choice too.
“I don’t think you want to lose weight,” I said. (I know, kind of blunt. Normally I would deflect and evade, but I know he wants to hear what I really think.)
He raises an eyebrow. “Really.”
“Really,” I say. “If you wanted to lose weight you would. But you’ve chosen not to, and that’s okay. The only problem is you’re beating yourself up for something you choose not to do.”
Why do I think that way? We all know how to lose weight: Eat less calories than you burn and voila! You lose weight. Sure, genetics and metabolism and glandular disorders can make losing weight harder, but the fact remains that everyone who eats fewer calories than they burn loses weight. Losing weight has nothing to do with a breakthrough diet or an innovative workout regimen or somehow flipping a magic fat-burning switch… and everything to do with deciding to eat less calories than you burn.
Losing weight is a choice. So being overweight is a choice too.
Does this makes sense? I think it does. It’s not too difficult to make analogies to the example he narrated.
Many of us often like to think that circumstances, or lack of connections, or unlucky breaks are the reasons we are held back from succeeding. But aren’t we just shifting the blame somewhere else just by thinking this way?
According to Haden, the only things truly holding us back are the decisions and choices we make.
“If you want to get promoted but haven’t, it’s almost never
because your boss is unfair. Instead you decided not to work harder or take more
initiative or take on more responsibility… or just play the corporate game the
way it has to be played in your organization in order for you to “win.”
If you want your business to grow but it hasn’t, economic factors are certainly at play but you’ve also probably decided not to change your sales strategy or streamline your operations or just try new things in response to new market conditions.
You can see what makes other companies successful but you’ve chosen not to follow their example.
If you want your business to grow but it hasn’t, economic factors are certainly at play but you’ve also probably decided not to change your sales strategy or streamline your operations or just try new things in response to new market conditions.
You can see what makes other companies successful but you’ve chosen not to follow their example.
Aha! It hurts but moans aside, I think there is more sense to this stuff than meets the eye.
The blame, it seems, lie squarely within us. The good news is that, the power to succeed lies within us as well. It’s all about choices and decisions—OUR own choices and decisions.
And that includes what to let go.
“Think about your goals. Like most people, yours likely run the
gamut: You want to create wonderful relationships, build a family, enjoy
professional success, achieve something personal… you have lots of things you
want to accomplish.
Great—but there’s a problem. You can’t have it all. And if you choose to try to have it all you will always be, to some degree, unfulfilled.
Say you want to raise a happy family. You can; it just takes effort and attention. Say you want to start a business. You can; you just have to work really hard. Say you want to write a book. You can; you just have to write, hour after hour and day after day, for however long it takes. Say you want to run a marathon. You can, as long as you do the training necessary.
But say you want to do all of the above—and all at the same time. Realistically that doesn’t work. Something will give. Your family needs you more than your running shoes, so training for a marathon will quickly hit the back burner. Your business needs you more than the publishing world, so after six months your book will look more like a pamphlet.
And that’s okay. We can’t do everything, but we can all do a few things really well. Decide what is most important to you, decide to focus on those things… and decide to let go of the things you may want to do but realistically cannot, at least for now.
Great—but there’s a problem. You can’t have it all. And if you choose to try to have it all you will always be, to some degree, unfulfilled.
Say you want to raise a happy family. You can; it just takes effort and attention. Say you want to start a business. You can; you just have to work really hard. Say you want to write a book. You can; you just have to write, hour after hour and day after day, for however long it takes. Say you want to run a marathon. You can, as long as you do the training necessary.
But say you want to do all of the above—and all at the same time. Realistically that doesn’t work. Something will give. Your family needs you more than your running shoes, so training for a marathon will quickly hit the back burner. Your business needs you more than the publishing world, so after six months your book will look more like a pamphlet.
And that’s okay. We can’t do everything, but we can all do a few things really well. Decide what is most important to you, decide to focus on those things… and decide to let go of the things you may want to do but realistically cannot, at least for now.
The short of it is that you decide what you want and spend your energy achieving it.
Like running for public or private office, like running for the SBFCC Board of Directors (you know it’s coming), it would be very difficult to just will you way into it.
It will take a lot of work, a lot of time, a lot of patience. You need to be involved, you need to show your worth. Only then will it be inevitable. Only then will you succeed.
The cool thing is—it has been a decision that is yours to make all along—nobody else’s.
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