How Are You?

A couple of years back, I received as a gift a self-help book titled Attitude is Everything by Jeff Keller. Having been busy with a number of stuff, I scanned over it, thought that it was a bit too “dramatic,” and filed it away.

Recently, I ran into a blog mentioning a section from that same book, which, of course, I remember I have. Reading over that section, I still find it a bit dramatic, but hey, it seemed to be working for some people so I might as well share it and let you decide for yourself.

It’s about avoiding people who have a contagious negative attitude. You are familiar with them, they are usually colleagues, acquaintances, even friends or relatives. They are quick on dispensing criticisms but slow on compliments. They make you feel drained and tired, and lowers your enthusiasm in the process.

Let’s take something as innocuous as how we answer the question How are you? Sure, the question sounds trivial and harmless. But, it is something that we reply to many times in a day. In fact, we usually answer in one or a few words only. Yet, according to Keller, your response tells a lot about you—and your attitude. In fact, your response can literally shape your attitude. He proceeded in classifying your responses in three categories: negative, mediocre, and positive. So let’s go ahead and examine some common responses under each one.

Negative Responses: Lousy, Terrible, I’m tired, It’s not my day, Thank God it’s Friday, A day older and a dollar broker, Don’t ask. When someone responds with “Don’t ask,” you know you are in for trouble. That person is going to unleash a multitude of complaints and make you sorry for just asking How are you? in the first place.

Mediocre Responses: I’m okay, Not too bad, Could be worse, Same old, same old; Hangin’ in there, Fine. Obviously, mediocre responses are a step up from the Negatives—but they still have plenty of room for improvement. Do you really want to do business with someone who thinks that life is “not too bad”? When you use words like these, you also diminish your energy. Can you imagine someone saying “Could be worse” with a lot of enthusiasm? Of course not. These people sound like they haven’t slept in two days. There’s no getting around it. People who use mediocre words will develop a mediocre attitude... and get mediocre results.

Positive Responses: Terrific, Fantastic, Great, Excellent, Super, I’m on top of the world, It doesn’t get any better. These are usually enthusiastic people who have a bounce in their step and you feel a little better just by being around them. These are the people you would look forward to meeting. These are the people who have positive outlooks and full of life. These are the people who are more likely to get your business.

If you find yourself in the negative or mediocre group, Keller suggests you immediately consider revising your response and joining the ranks of the positive. Here’s why. When you’re asked How are you? and you say Horrible or Not too bad, your physiology is adversely affected. You tend to slump your shoulders and head and take on a depressed posture. What about your emotions? After saying that you feel lousy, do you feel better? Of course not. You feel even more down in the dumps because negative words and thoughts generate negative feelings, and eventually, negative results.

Even if real circumstances in your life persuaded you to state that you feel lousy, your gloomy attitude does nothing to improve the situation. To make matters worse, your mediocre or negative reply turns others off. They are dragged down just being around you and hearing your pessimism.

Break the habit. Sure, in the beginning it will be a little uncomfortable but stick with it and it will eventually come naturally. How we feel is very often a subjective matter. When we tell ourselves that we’re tired, we feel tired. When we tell ourselves that we feel terrific, we feel energized. We become what we think about.

So, how are you?